Aaahhh…for time and space to simply write…I have SO much to say, and yet the necessities of my season of life require that I either be doing or planning to do something otherwise with my every waking hour. Part of me is fighting guilt, too, as I never want to be one of “those” people who have a blog site, and yet never seem to actually blog. Isn’t that disappointing? When you take a minute to check a friend’s blog and it has not been updated in months…just seems to zap the momentum, you know?
In the weeks since my last post, we arrived safely to our earthly home on the far side of the sea. We are thrilled to be back! It’s such a testimony of His faithfulness to our family that we are able to be here. Since Nate’s diagnosis of kidney disease nearly 4 years ago, we know that every day in this place is a gift. Nothing is guaranteed as far as our future, and in this lies great freedom to just enjoy His call on our family and be obedient to stay where He has us. It also helps that we love it here – the food, the people, the culture – all so beautiful and so different from us. We are content.
The biggest thing that has been on my heart in these weeks is the idea of having “no confidence in the flesh.” It’s no coincidence that as I’m memorizing Philippians this year, this phrase from the third chapter continues to come to mind. Paul talks at length about all of his qualifications as a Jewish man, essentially building a resume that would impress anyone in that day. However, his ultimate warning to us is not to place our confidence in any of these earthly things – success, accomplishment, perceived wisdom – but rather in Christ. If anyone had a reason to boast of his qualifications before the Lord, it was Paul. And yet, Paul says that he counts these things as rubbish in order to know Christ and be found in Him.
As I’ve moved through the past three weeks back in this foreign land that we call home, I have been reminded over and over of how little I am able to do here. Most days you will find me half-way through any number of well-intended projects: painting our homeschool room, teaching Elijah how to use a thesaurus, folding laundry, spraying down a closet full of mold, finding the one lady at the wet market who can grind the beef I just bought, meeting neighbors, encouraging friends,etc. I feel like an adult with ADD, never really finishing anything because three other needs interrupted me and then I forget altogether the thing I originally started to do!
Left to myself, it would be easy to beat myself up and end each day feeling completely worthless. Believe me, there have been moments when I have given in to this. However, based on past history, pity parties are no fun for anyone, least of all the one who is throwing it. By God’s grace, I am seeing these days as opportunities to claim “no confidence in the flesh,” and rather, lean on Christ and His sufficiency. All of my best deeds are as rags to Him. He wants my heart. I am asking for grace to maintain heart that is pure toward Him – that all would be worship because of who He is – rather than my proving my worth through the things I accomplish.
“…for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ, and put no confidence in the flesh…” Philippians 3:3
maintain a pure heart toward Him – that all would be worship because of who He is!